Friday, March 23, 2012

Belch Rating Guideline

When one is rating a belch there are a few basic guidelines one must adhere to. It must also be understood that in order to appropriately rate a belch it must be done by a nonpartisan party.


VOLUME This is perhaps the most important of all rating factors. One must take care in the evaluation of volume and therefore ask the following question:
Did the issuer employ his/her vocal chords in order to enhance the volume? If this is the case the issuer is to be reprimanded and points may be taken from the next 3 belches issued.
No more than 3 points may be issued for volume. However, should the volume of the belch cause dogs to howl or temporary deafness, the full 10 points shall be awarded to the issuer. The issuer shall then go down in the annals of fine belching and attain godhood. Selah
LONGEVITY When rating the longevity of a belch several factors must be considered. Was the belch helped along with force? If the length of the belch was assisted, points must be removed. Points may be awarded for a duration of 5 seconds or more. No more than 2 points can be awarded a belch less than 10 seconds. Should the belch last more than 30 seconds the issuer may be awarded the full 10 points. The issuer shall then go down in the annals of fine belching and attain godhood. Selah
STENCH This is a vital part of the rating process. Points must be awarded in moderation for mild stench. 1 point may be awarded for the mild stench that is commonly a part of the belch. It must be recognized that occasionally the stench exceeds that which naturally accompanies a belch. In these cases up to 4 points may be awarded the issuer.
If the odor causes flies to flock to the location or nose hairs to curl the full 10 points may be awarded the issuer. The issuer shall then go down in the annals of fine belching and attain godhood. Selah
PARTICLES This area of evaluation requires more than passive observation. One must question the issuer as to whether a belch was actually issued or if the issuer is suffering stomach ills. If the issuer has in fact vomited, there is no further need for this guideline. However, if there were simply particles the issuer may receive up to 5 points. Should the occasion arise that there are sufficient particles present that the evaluator feels 10 may be awarded, the belch must be reevaluated as vomit. There is, in this category, no possibility of attaining godhood. 
BONUS Points may be awarded for surprise effect and extreme longevity.
Should the belch be issued with no warning or from an unlikely source points may be awarded the issuer. This is category is purely subjective and there is no limit on the points one may receive.
Points for extreme longevity should be awarded only in situations where entire sentences may be completed during the belch. Again, there is no limit on the points that may be issued in this category.
One may go down in the annals of fine belching and attain godhood on this category alone. Selah 

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